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So this is a bit of a weird journal, but it's something I've had on my mind for a long time now, and I just wanted to actually start a discussion about it with people that aren't fellow artists lol. I'll start with a disclaimer though, that even though I've had pieces of this discussion with several people (creator and audience member alike), what I'm about to say is strictly from my point of view - I don't mean to speak for all creators, nor do I mean to make massive generalizations for every single person that tends to stay within the audience. Also, for the purpose of this discussion, "audience" is anyone that's not the creator themselves, including other creators. The two are not mutually exclusive roles to play!

First of all, let's talk about the importance of the creator; without the creator, there is no art, no stories, no morphs, no 3D renders, nothing. The creator takes all the inspirations he or she has accumulated throughout their life, mixes it with their own unique preferences and personality, and regurgitates it (ew!) as a new work mostly yet unseen by the world. These inspirations can be anything - a videogame or book you grew up enjoying, a piece of art that you just saw that blew your mind, what you had for breakfast, anything! Technically, everything is derivative of what came before it (we're all just riffing on those earliest of caveman drawings lol), but there is no doubt that to create something truly exceptional requires a special kind of dedication to the craft. What is exceptional is also subjective - some people crawl out of the abyss once every five years with a piece of work that alters the entire trajectory of a fandom, and some make humble but no less worthwhile contributions to their community on a constant basis, brightening the lives of their audience a little bit more each day.

So with that, we shift to the audience. In my opinion, the role of the audience is a crucial, and often underappreciated aspect of the creative process. Depending on the artist, the audience either doesn't matter almost at all (I make what I want to make, and if people happen to like it that's cool I guess), or almost more important than the art itself (omg I really hope people like this, if I don't get 50 comments by yesterday all my hard work will have been for nothing nothing NOTHING!!!!). It's a really fascinating dynamic, actually! Because in some manner of looking at it, an artist can be evaluated by the size and participation of their audience. We often tend to worship the creators as these mini-deities that can make our fantasies come true...but behind closed doors, many creators are reveling in the feedback they get from their audience. It empowers them, motivates them, encourages them. At the end of the day, the reality is that both creators and the audience worship each other. "If an artist draws and nobody is around to see it, did he really draw anything at all?". Obviously, there are many artists that are completely self-sustaining as far as the drive to create something goes. But just as much so, there are creators that need that feedback in order to feel relevant...

And now we get to the real point of this journal, which is to say....just as much as an audience can empower a content can also enslave them.

I have to reiterate that this is just my take on things, but I feel like I see it a lot - A once unknown, but skilled, creator makes a splash on the scene, gets all the feedback and admiration they've ever wanted...and then they stop being a creator and instead turn into something more akin to a factory. No more fresh ideas, no more branching out to tap into and incorporate all the other things they love and enjoy, no more pushing their own skills to new heights, just a massively concerted effort to stick with what gets them the most views, comments, and faves. Or possibly even worse, branch out into things that they aren't even really interested in, just because it's popular. Again, again, this isn't everyone that seems to follow this pattern - some people are really just that boring (for lack of a better, less condescending term lol) and truly and genuinely just enjoy making the same thing over and over again. That's awesome for them, and I sort of envy the type of people that are easily contented....but what about the creators that aren't?

What about those funky creators that simultaneously want to try all sorts of new things, but also placate their large, active, happy audience that they appreciate (and worship) so much? Where does all that untapped zeal and potential go, if the creator is too afraid to mix it up at the cost of not getting the feedback they've grown accustomed to?

STRAIGHT DOWN THE SHITTER, THAT'S WHERE! And it's no normal turd, either! It's the runny kind that no matter how much TP you throw at that thing, you can never seem to completely scrape it off your asscheeks, and after trying to get yourself to a no-dookie-stains point for so long, now your anus is Monday Night RAW. The potential is utterly wasted, but the memory of it sticks with you and stings when you think about it. It's a lingerer, man, it just....lingers! Uncomfortably so! And as all that potential is sliding out of your butthole, and splashes back up when it hits the water, you can't help but think to yourself "Maybe I could have done something with all this...if only I could be reassured that the audience I've built so far would actually like it and not just disregard it...". The artist's conundrum is that untapped potential might as well be flushed down the toilet, and yet if they tap into it and nobody seems to like still feels like shit anyways!

This is really long already, so let me wrap up by suggesting that...maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Yes, especially in fetish communities like ours, people seem to only want more of the same. Yes, those few times you have tried to branch out into the other things that make you, "you" were probably met with lukewarm reception...But let's not forget that the same audience that faps, is the same audience that claps! (okay this is getting campy lol) At the same movie theaters, watching the same TV shows, reading the same books...Nobody is truly, 100% only interested in the porn (unless you've really completely gone that direction and now you really might piss off your audience if you decide to go straight from futanari butt sex to Norman Rockwell era fine art, haha). We all have a ton of different interests and hobbies. It should come as no surprise that some of the most popular creations are based on the same stuff that is popular in the mainstream.

So consider this a wake-up call, a granting of permission for you (read: me) to trust in your audience more; to trust in yourself more in believing that every aspect of yourself has value as creator, not just what you know people are interested in now. Yeah, maybe you really will get dick for response for all your bravery, but maybe it's worth considering that you only built this audience based on your courage to expound on a once-hidden aspect of yourself in the first place. You've done it before, there's no reason to believe that you can't do it again. Or maybe you need to stop trying to cater to the masses in the first place, and start to find more joy in creating stuff that fully resonates with the first audience you ever had, yourself.

Free DLC Update!!: I sorta forgot to address my hopes for people that tend to stay in the audience as well, which is...Well I just want you to know that you have more power than you may realize. Even if it seems like all the creators ignore you, or nobody gives you free stuff like they do other creators, the painful truth is that a lot of creators get off on that feeling of being of value to someone, even if they can't or don't want to do anything for them. You are literally a source of most creator's power, and without you, the majority of us would shrivel up, never to be heard from again lol. Even if all you can afford to give back to an artist in return is a small comment and a favorite, you are just as important as any creator. I'd just like to ask that maybe you give your favorite creator's passion projects a fair chance, even if they don't quite align with what you normally expect from them. With your support, a creator can find the strength to turn their passion into yours as well.

If you made it this far, thank you lol. I'm curious to see how other people feel about this topic!
  • Listening to: The steady hum of my computer
  • Reading: This journal to see how gross I can be lol
  • Watching: Home Movies
  • Playing: Persona 4 the Golden
  • Eating: Thanksgiving Leftovers
  • Drinking: dude I could go for a drink about now
So 1) actually I've been back in America since August and 2) I remember using this journal title after a long time away on my previous dA account, but I'm too lazy to think of something more it gets B-sided lol. Due to a bit of reverse culture shock and overall art lulls, I've been hesitant to interact with you guys much at all over the past year. But since I'm in the process of trying to step out of the darkness, I figured I'd give you guys a little glimpse into my life in Japan.

tl;dr: I had an awesome time, ate some delicious food, met some new lifelong friends, became the Hokage of my village, and got kicked out of a nightclub once lol.

 If you're hungry for more, then here's a recap, complete with some of the best images I took to sort of sum up my experience.

So first of all, uhh, I went to Japan, if you didn't catch that before lol. Here's a pic of first land sighting from the plane:
20160902 010324 by Un-Debido

Within the first few weeks in Japan, I got to knock a few things off my "must do" list, such as hitting up the Pokemon Center Mega Tokyo in Ikebukuro:
20160911 124149 by Un-Debido

(Side note: I lost my wallet in Ikebukuro!!! (not even 3 days in lol). BUT! Japan is truly an incredible place. A kind lady mailed my wallet and pocket sketchbook with everything intact, sans ~$80 to my dorm not even two days after losing it. Crazy positive experience)
And finally getting to go to one of the Major gaming conventions, Tokyo Game Show (sorry, no single better picture to encapsulate the experience but pictures of massive crowds):
20160917 124445 by Un-Debido

On one of several trips to the infamous Akihabara, me and a fellow mecha anime fan made it a point to go to the mecca of mecha model kits, Yodobashi Camera in Akihabara. I swear they had EVERY Gundam model kit in stock, the building itself is MASSIVE:
20161022 181251 by Un-Debido

Now we come around to Halloween, which I've already posted a picture from. Apparently, the thing to do in Japan is just hit the stinky streets of Shibuya, get shitfaced, and take pictures with random costumers. I met quite a few like-minded fellows actually:
Untitled Drawing by Un-Debido

And even got to meet (former) President Obama, getting a little Japanese R&R before the end of his term:
Untitled Drawing by Un-Debido

They always say Japan is "a country with four seasons", meaning that the difference between each season is distinctly seen and felt. So let's stop and admire the changing of the color of the leaves in the fall for a bit:
20161118 144749 by Un-Debido

We actually had a snow day slightly ahead of schedule in November, but even more notably, on Christmas Eve we had a school trip to Tokyo Disneyland. Lots of couples and besties in matching clothing! (This would be my first of Japan's big 4 amusement parks):
20161224 093718 by Un-Debido

A little bit after New Year, my friends and I journeyed all the way to Kansai (Osaka, Kyoto, Nara, Kobe etc) via local trains, which was a crazy long but crazy cheap trip at 12 hours each way, but less than $50 round trip! First stop was Fushimi-Inari Shrine (1000 Red gates). Since it's near New Years though, people are out in droves to make their New Years resolutions and wishes:
20170104 134122 by Un-Debido20170104 135157 by Un-Debido

Day 2 of this Kansai trip, we hiked up the mountain where we were staying to catch some incredible views of nearly all of Osaka, as well as an abandoned amusement park that was super creepy. Here's a cool picture of the residential alley on the way up:
Untitled Drawing by Un-Debido

and Day 3, we hit Kyoto again to check out the Monkey Park, Bamboo Forest, and just an all around great view of the historic city:

20170106 141142 by Un-Debido

After a few more classes and then finals in January, we were cut loose into possibly the most satisfying two months of my life:
S P R I N G B R E A K. At least for the university I was at, Spring break ran from February through the end of March, so I was free to do anything I wanted, unapologetically. You may remember this is when my posting was on an unusually high frequency lol - I spent the first month of break being the Hikikomori-NEET that I've always wanted to be, complete with 4AM runs to the 24/7 convenience store for snacks. The second month, I got do do a little bit of traveling. First stop: a return to the rural town that I volunteered in back in 2011:
20170302 121353 by Un-Debido

I didn't realize it, but I must have agreed to come back as a volunteer again lol. But it was cool, I remember the first time I felt so inexperienced and my Japanese was severely lacking - This time, I was the de facto translator for both the Japanese and International volunteers, and working in the fields again felt like revisiting an old hobby. I originally only planned to stay one week, but I was enjoying myself so much, I stayed another! After this, I got to head back to Kansai with a friend from America...but this time, we balled out: We took the bullet train both ways (~6 hour round trip, around $450 total), and got to experience some of Japan's fine dining, such as Kobe beef actually in Kobe (so fucking good omg my tongue remembers the sensation of meat melting on it wow):
20170324 193025 by Un-Debido

And my first taste of "authentic" sushi (I'd been frequenting the conveyor belt sushi place 10 minutes away from the dorm lol) at a Kyoto estate-turned-restaraunt. Check out the Zen garden that leads up to the VIP house:
20170327 181904 by Un-Debido

We also got to check out the Kinkaku temple, setting the gold standard for religious architecture:
20170329 134210 by Un-Debido

And finally, we got to go to Universal Studios Japan, where we really only got to ride 3 things due to rain and crowds. Not exactly worth the entrance fee, but that's 2/4 of the major amusement parks in Japan:
Img 20170326 084844 557 by Un-Debido

But now Spring Break is over, so let's go back to Tokyo. This is a picture of the city I stayed in, basically at the train/bus station:
20170323 153510 by Un-Debido

The semester is about to start back up, but the people I volunteered with wanted to meet up one last time to celebrate a birthday in the group, so we headed to the tower at Yokohama for the sweet view:
20170403 165328 by Un-Debido
And now, Spring is in full effect! Here we have a couple of pretty shots of Sakura around my super anime-esque university:
20170407 130341 by Un-Debido20170413 175519 by Un-Debido
And that's pretty much it: fill in the rest with clubbing in Roppongi, learning lots of Japanese, and eating lots of onigiri lol. Amusement Parks 3 and 4 (Fuji-Q Highland and Disney Sea) were visited within the last two weeks of my trip, but somehow I didn't take any good pictures of them. Here are a few pictures that I forgot to include above though! First is the legendary arcade Mikado, which holds fighting game tournaments that many of the Japanese pros attend:
20170723 160048 by Un-Debido

Second is a shot of the RX-78-2 life size statue in Odaiba, just days before it was to be dismantled to make room for the RX-0 Unicorn (which was completed just a few weeks after returning to America, oooohhhh so saltyyyyyy!!!)
Img 20170228 162739 687 by Un-Debido

And finally, a humbling picture of the Taco Bell within the Yokota U.S. Air Force base, which we only had access to because of a friend. You don't understand how ungodly good some real American Taco Bell was after half a year without it lol. I made sure to buy some for leftovers and a couple of tacos for my friends that couldn't come too lol. Seriously, when you're away from home for a long time, it's the little things that count:
Img 20170123 180059 218 by Un-Debido

And that's it! If you've read this far, I hope you enjoyed a little bit of my Japan quest. I intended to do it while I was in Japan, but maybe some day in the future I'll make vlog style videos describing my experience in more detail, along with some of the video that I took. Would anyone here be interested in seeing that kind of thing? (No femuscle, intended for a regular audience lol)
I haven't updated this journal in literally half a year, so let's use it for the force of good!

Pictaur and MakoDeviant are holding a growth drive featuring Gardevoir and Roserade! You can see the first stage right here:

It's bound to be, as the youngsters say, "lit", so get over there and donate! I hear that donations of $5 or more are entered into a raffle for *a free commission from both artists*! You can find more details and the rules at Mako's Journal HERE!
Hey guys, how have you been? I know it's been a while (as always) lol

As some of you may know from earlier this year, I'll be going to study in Japan on a yearlong exchange program...Well I'll be leaving for that in a week XD

I'm not really sure what my schedule or life will be like during that time, and my relationship with art has not really been the best as of late anyways, so most likely I won't be posting anything for a while yet.

Uhhh this journal seems pretty depressing, but I don't really know what else to say or how to put it lol. I'll try not to be a complete stranger, but no promises!

If you'd like to keep in contact and use Skype (or even LINE), send me a note so I can add you on there! Though I may not really be on that much either, I really don't know.

I'll try to finish one of these pieces that have been in WIP hell for the past few months before I go, or at the very least maybe post some sort of sketchdump.

That's pretty much all I wanted to say for now, I just didn't want anyone to think something's happened to me lol. So for the time being, sayonara!
EDIT: I'm really grateful to you guys for the deep and thought-provoking responses. I'm really astounded and humbled. I just wanted to say before I get to responding to you guys individually that I've read them all like 2-3 times each, and I appreciate it more than I can really express. I probably should have done this much sooner and saved myself all the heartache lol

If you've known me for any amount of time, you know that me and art have a love/hate relationship. In this journal I'm going to lay bare my feelings about it as completely yet concisely as I can, and if you can spare me a bit of time, I would appreciate your thoughts. If possible, I'd like you to think of it not as something somebody else is going through, but what you would do if you had the same feelings about someone/something. Do you have something in your life that has been similar to this? If so, how did you handle it? Even if you have no advice to give, I hope that maybe in reading this I can encourage you to face yourself, or maybe give you some sort of insight through the advice others may give me.

I love art. I spend a lot of time looking at art, tutorials, speed paint videos, etc attempting to learn how to make better art. My favorite part of any video game is probably not the game, but the art, and I will probably avoid a game completely no matter how good the game may be if the art doesn't hook me. I don't know if I'm unique for this or not, but I make it a point to investigate the artists behind my favorite properties.

I love animation and manga as well. To be honest, the past few years for me have been built around trying to become a professional manga artist in Japan, as naive as that sounds. I'm constantly daydreaming about PlusXMinus, imagining how the storyline will develop, how the characters interact, I see fully animated fight scenes play out in my head and have fun trying to imagine sick choreography and shot direction. I even make sound effects with my mouth if nobody's around while I'm reeling away in my head. I'm probably not unique for this either, but I feel like I have a really cool idea, and I want to see it realized by my own hands.

In my opinion, my "passion" for art shouldn't even be in question, but...

All of that being said, getting down to actually making something freaks me the fuck out. The tl;dr version of this is probably "Crippling Perfectionism". I go out of my way to avoid doing it - this is different from lazinesss, it's fear. The images in my head seem so clear, but when I actually get down to putting pencil to paper, my skill doesn't match up, and it drives me insane. I notice that my chest tenses up and I start to unconsciously hold my breath, probably because subconsciously I'm trying my damnedest not to mess up. It's like I go into a trance of scribbling away madly (and badly lol) for maybe 15 minutes at the most, and when I stop it feels like I'm coming up for air after being drowned. It's not always like this, but often enough to where I'm doing anything BUT drawing more often than not to avoid the anxiety. How else do you spend 8 hours cleaning your shower to perfection one day?

In the past I've had bouts of depression, and from those experiences I've found psychiatrists and anti-depressants to be largely ineffective, or even detrimental. So these days, I do a lot of self-evaluating through writing journals, coupled with a lot of reading personal development/spiritual books and watching all sorts of 10 minute-to-multiple hour long seminars and speeches. In the weirdest way, I feel like I have myself figured out, like I've crawled to the deepest depths of my psyche and found the roots of my issues; and yet I still know nothing at all.


So at this point it seems like I have two options:
A) I actually DO love art, and it really means a lot to me. This is actually absolutely the path I should be on, and pushing through the anxiety, fear, and doubt will teach me a lot and help me to grow as a person (and of course as an artist too). It's video game logic where "You know you're going the right way when you're running into enemies." Fight on, Debido!! 

B) Art is making me sick, and I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. Somehow I've fooled myself into thinking I want to do this thing, but the truth is if I actually wanted to do it, I would be and it would be fun and easygoing and natural, no matter how my skill matches up to my vision. So despite all the time and effort invested, I should hang it up and figure something else out. I had a (maybe not so) good run.

Or bonus option C) I just think too damn much lol

I'm really at a loss here as you can probably tell lol. Like I said in my first journal on this account, I remember pushing away some very dear friends when all I did was vent, but I think now I've gone waaaaaay too far in the opposite direction and end up bottling things up and pushing people away for months at a time (damn, it's been like half a year since the last chapter of the comic). 

I've gone on for long enough on a journal that I was trying so hard never to have to make, and I also feel bad for neglecting you guys and having nothing to offer. My gut feeling is telling me to go with option A, but again I'm not sure how much of that is me being a fool, you know? I sure don't lol

If you have any thoughts I'd like to read them. I apologize but i had to get this out there somewhere.
If you haven't already heard about it, please support ayanamifan's upcoming Growth Drive! You can find more details about the noble cause here, and the details how how he'll go about it HERE!
Aya is a dear friend of mine, helping him is like helping me! DO IT!!!
  • Listening to: Unison Square Garden
  • Reading: Your every move!
  • Watching: Motivational Videos
  • Playing: Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Water

Thanks for dropping by!
  • Listening to: Unison Square Garden
  • Reading: Your every move!
  • Watching: Motivational Videos
  • Playing: Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Water
What's up guys! Doing another round of stream commissions! It's a slight increase in price from the other times, but hopefully still within reason!

Here's the deal: $20 for short and sweet inked and flat colored pictures like these:

FreakyJane by Un-DebidoStream Commissions 1: Make Them Panties Drop by Un-DebidoStream Commissions 2: Flexing All Night by Un-Debido

It's first come first serve, and only available while I'm streaming. I'm not sure how many I'll get to, but I'll be at it most of the day, so I'm feeling like 3 is the magic number for today (will I even get that many requests? haha!)

If you're interested, or just want to chill, swing on by! If not these commissions, I'll be working on some other stuff and eventually laying out the next chapter of PxM!
I'm really just doing this to spite the tagger, :icondagwam: . Now give me my Daggy Dollars!
I won't be tagging anybody though, Maybe when I've regained my original body I'll command enough respect for that lol

Anywho, onto the show!

1- What's your favorite animated show, if any, western or eastern. or heck, favorite from both if you have em.
Eastern, definitely DEFINITELY Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. That show means so much to me. Western...I don't think it's actually my favorite, but what comes to mind is Batman: The Animated Series. Even if it's not my favorite, it was a damn good show. (I'm hesitant to call it my favorite because I have a feeling I enjoyed some other show far more, but I just can't think of it right now lol)

2- What is your most recent book you read (I suppose graphic novels count in a pinch)?
I've been reading a variety of books lately, but if I look over to this stack of them the one on top is the Tao Te Ching. I very rarely read novels, but I gobble spiritual and self-improvement stuff up! This is a picture of said stack of books, and I wholeheartedly recommend reading all of them if you feel like your mental state isn't where you would like it to be (yes, even the Bible has great advice, whether you're Christian or not)11034198 10152906545816973 7245688417826769913 N by Un-Debido

3- Favorite foreign cuisine?
I'm not sure if this means overarching theme (Japanese, Italian) or a particular dish....Uhhh I just enjoy anything I really couldn't name either lol. For the sake of this though I'll say I like Italian as a whole, but my favorite dish is butadon (pork over rice) with raw egg mixed in.

4- Any certain types of music you listen to when you want to relax or fall asleep? Maybe even provide a link if you can.
I really only listen to music when I'm drawing, otherwise I have a tendency to enjoy complete silence. But I do have a soft spot for jazz/hip-hop fusion when I prefer a more chill drawing mood. Here, one of my favorite albums (RIP Seba Jun, you the truth!):

5- What's the ideal place you'd like to vacation to for sightseeing?
Probably Italy. Italy has an amazing combination of great historical architecture as well as natural beauty.

6- If there was one genre of movie that you would snap your fingers and it no longer exists, what would it be and why?
Horror, just because I don't even watch them. I don't think I would be scared of horror movies if I were to watch them now, but earlier on in my life I avoided them because I never wanted to be scared lol.

7- What types of pets have you owned?
Long ago I've had fish and a rabbit. More recently, I had a Golden Retriever that we got in order to cure my fear of dogs after being attacked by a German Shepherd (RIP Shadow), and currently we have a Pomeranian.

8- Who are your favorite comedian(s)?
I don't watch a lot of comedy, but I could probably still watch Dave Chappelle's "For What It's Worth" and still laugh my ass off.

9- In your opinion, funniest television show or movie? (Or both?)
Hmm...the first time I watched Pineapple Express I thought it was hilarious. Friday After Next is right up there with it though!

10- How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?

Only one. *smooch*

See you, space cowboy! (okay that was sorta gay I'm sorry lol)

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Sup guys! Long time no see it feels like! (Always Debido's fault. ALWAYS!!!)

Some people have been asking me about commissions for a long time now, and I think I'm finally ready to give them a try! The premise is simple: $25 for a a colored sketch, similar to these:

Mature Content

Colored Sketches by Un-Debido

Mature Content

CSC Round 1: Layla and Karen by Un-Debido

I'm experimenting with style and such all the time, so the results may be unpredictable, but I hope you'll be satisfied with them nonetheless! I'll do a sketch first, show it to you for one round of revisions, and then move on to the coloring from there.

First two down, and now a much longer list to go! I'm still going to try to stick to getting about 2 done a week, but might as well drop the whole list here for now, right?

Commissions Done
2:Bioshin26 (more to come!)

To Do:
4: SmartBadBoy (what -is- your name on dA? lol)
5: :iconpumpmonger:
6: :icongijohn20:

Looking forward to doing business with you! Thanks for shopping Debido!
As a Gundam Fan, I've been (somewhat regrettably) watching the newest Gundam Series "Gundam: Reconguista in G". The show itself is so weird, but the latest episode 19 is starting to make up for it.

Enter Chikkara Dual 「チッカラ・デュアル」, Pilot for the G-IT Lab, whatever that is.

ChikkaraDualPump1 by Un-Debido

ChikkaraDualGIT by Un-Debido
Chikkaradual2 by Un-Debido

I think she's pretty awesome! It's not too often that we get a character this buff in an anime, much less so attractive! Unfortunately, she's still a baddie. BUT, G-Reco is so weird and disjointed, who knows, she may be on the good side within two episodes!...Or get blasted away like she never existed in the next 3 lol. As a side note, her name is a not so subtle play on the word Chikara [力」, which means strength, or power.

I edited the gif up there for somewhat better looping, but here's the original version with her true second rep.
Chikkara Dual Long Ver
  • Listening to: Podcasts
  • Reading: Color and Light
  • Watching: Reconguista in G
  • Playing: Persona 4 GOLDEN
  • Eating: Subway
  • Drinking: Water
While talking with a friend about how we got into femuscle, I was reminded of the silly lengths my muscle lust took me to. Roughly ten years ago, in a time when internet was slow as balls and tied up the phone line, in addition to limited access to the computer...A young and horny 13-14 year old Debido began compiling this tome of muscular perversion:

MuscleDiary1 by Un-Debido

It can only go downhill from here lol. Check out the nerding out that is the first page of this thing - a stats breakdown of the roster of Kinsyo's girls at the time I found his site (some girls like Akane and Sanae had not yet been introduced...damn that's a long time ago lol):
MuscleDiary2 by Un-Debido

Inside, there is a page devoted to each girl, with as many pictures of the girl as I could fit on that page. I think I was too young and innocent to even be fapping at this point. I was literally just printing them out and writing this derpy commentary because I found them so captivating!...and because I wanted to look at them before going to sleep when using the computer was too risky:

MuscleDiary3 by Un-Debido

MuscleDiary4 by Un-Debido

Following the single girl pages, there are a few more pages with other pics of the girls, as well as group shots. Eventually though, I started branching out to putting other artists in the book, such as Yukihide Yoshida:
MuscleDiary5 by Un-Debido

These are by an artist that went by Pilaf-kun on dianathevalkyrie. I think I started writing the Neon Muscle Genesis Evangelion series almost specifically to see the full versions of these pictures lmao. Looking back, his stuff is still pretty awesome and unique, I wonder what he's up to now...
MuscleDiary6 by Un-Debido

Here we have some cameo appearances by people still in the femuscle game: MATL and PlasmaBeach
XD can you read all this stupid commentary? Who the hell was I writing all this for???
MuscleDiary7 by Un-Debido

More stupid commentary and more cameo appearances by (I think) Siegfried129
Damn, I wrote a whole editorial for the girl on the right lol
MuscleDiary8 by Un-Debido

Ultimately, I filled almost half of this composition book with these pictures and commentary.
MuscleDiary9 by Un-Debido

By God, if I had known that I could learn how to draw by emulating artwork that I admired enough to print out, cut out, and paste into a book with my thoughts on it, I might be so much further along my artistic journey by now lol. Unfortunately, at the time I was so entrenched in the idea that I would never be able to draw, that learning to draw via copying and emulating never crossed my mind even once. So BAKA!!!!

lol I hope you guys get a good laugh out of this one. Did anyone else do anything this (or more) embarrassing out of love for muscular women? Now's the time to share with the class!
  • Listening to: Desto - 20/20 Hindsight
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Death Parade
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Chicken Strips
  • Drinking: Red Bull
-_______- somebody cast Haste on me next time, damn...

Come kick it with me!…
(I just keep this here so that the journal is easy to edit lol)
  • Listening to: Fusion Jazz
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Blood Blockade Battlefront
  • Playing: Batman: Arkham Knight
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Water
Hi guys...*cough* where do I begin?

I guess first, I need to explain that ominous journal I posted before I deactivated my account. If you remember, it was the scene of Kittan's death from Gurren Lagann ([link]. I think some people surmised that I may have committed suicide because of that. Whoever thought that obviously doesn't know what comes next! The most epic part of the series in my opinion.

I guess if I'm gonna be honest here, I had to leave because I was a very salty person at the time lol. Seeing other people producing better and better artwork while mine improved and yet didn't at the same time (which is completely my fault) made me seethe with anger. I would sit there and stare at new works for a few minutes, on one hand admiring the great work and studying it to see what it had that I could learn from and adapt into my own art. On the other hand, I would uhh...hiss? and clench my heart in agony (Imagine Naruto when Kyuubi would come out. Yes, I have severe chuunibyou lol).

But I knew this was wrong in every possible way. That's no way to A) motivate yourself to improve or B) enjoy other people's artwork. So on that day, in sort of a snap decision, I decided to deactivate my account until I had cooled down and stopped being such a Debemo.

Now, almost a year and an undisclosed amount of weed later (lol) I decided to start anew. I don't have much else to say on this topic except that I'm looking forward to actually enjoying everyone's artwork again, and I hope you'll forgive me for the sudden departure.

XD now that that's out of the way, let's party!!!
  • Listening to: MACROSS 82-99 - Remember Summer Days
  • Reading: Sukedachi Nine
  • Watching: Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso
  • Playing: Elphelt's Titti- I mean Guilty Gear Xrd
  • Eating: Chicken Noodle Soup
  • Drinking: Water