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I haven't updated this journal in literally half a year, so let's use it for the force of good!

TheCottonCandyQueen and MakoDeviant are holding a growth drive featuring Gardevoir and Roserade! You can see the first stage right here:


It's bound to be, as the youngsters say, "lit", so get over there and donate! I hear that donations of $5 or more are entered into a raffle for *a free commission from both artists*! You can find more details and the rules at Mako's Journal HERE!
Hey guys, how have you been? I know it's been a while (as always) lol

As some of you may know from earlier this year, I'll be going to study in Japan on a yearlong exchange program...Well I'll be leaving for that in a week XD

I'm not really sure what my schedule or life will be like during that time, and my relationship with art has not really been the best as of late anyways, so most likely I won't be posting anything for a while yet.

Uhhh this journal seems pretty depressing, but I don't really know what else to say or how to put it lol. I'll try not to be a complete stranger, but no promises!

If you'd like to keep in contact and use Skype (or even LINE), send me a note so I can add you on there! Though I may not really be on that much either, I really don't know.

I'll try to finish one of these pieces that have been in WIP hell for the past few months before I go, or at the very least maybe post some sort of sketchdump.

That's pretty much all I wanted to say for now, I just didn't want anyone to think something's happened to me lol. So for the time being, sayonara!
EDIT: I'm really grateful to you guys for the deep and thought-provoking responses. I'm really astounded and humbled. I just wanted to say before I get to responding to you guys individually that I've read them all like 2-3 times each, and I appreciate it more than I can really express. I probably should have done this much sooner and saved myself all the heartache lol

If you've known me for any amount of time, you know that me and art have a love/hate relationship. In this journal I'm going to lay bare my feelings about it as completely yet concisely as I can, and if you can spare me a bit of time, I would appreciate your thoughts. If possible, I'd like you to think of it not as something somebody else is going through, but what you would do if you had the same feelings about someone/something. Do you have something in your life that has been similar to this? If so, how did you handle it? Even if you have no advice to give, I hope that maybe in reading this I can encourage you to face yourself, or maybe give you some sort of insight through the advice others may give me.

POSITIVE:
I love art. I spend a lot of time looking at art, tutorials, speed paint videos, etc attempting to learn how to make better art. My favorite part of any video game is probably not the game, but the art, and I will probably avoid a game completely no matter how good the game may be if the art doesn't hook me. I don't know if I'm unique for this or not, but I make it a point to investigate the artists behind my favorite properties.

I love animation and manga as well. To be honest, the past few years for me have been built around trying to become a professional manga artist in Japan, as naive as that sounds. I'm constantly daydreaming about PlusXMinus, imagining how the storyline will develop, how the characters interact, I see fully animated fight scenes play out in my head and have fun trying to imagine sick choreography and shot direction. I even make sound effects with my mouth if nobody's around while I'm reeling away in my head. I'm probably not unique for this either, but I feel like I have a really cool idea, and I want to see it realized by my own hands.

In my opinion, my "passion" for art shouldn't even be in question, but...

NEGATIVE:
All of that being said, getting down to actually making something freaks me the fuck out. The tl;dr version of this is probably "Crippling Perfectionism". I go out of my way to avoid doing it - this is different from lazinesss, it's fear. The images in my head seem so clear, but when I actually get down to putting pencil to paper, my skill doesn't match up, and it drives me insane. I notice that my chest tenses up and I start to unconsciously hold my breath, probably because subconsciously I'm trying my damnedest not to mess up. It's like I go into a trance of scribbling away madly (and badly lol) for maybe 15 minutes at the most, and when I stop it feels like I'm coming up for air after being drowned. It's not always like this, but often enough to where I'm doing anything BUT drawing more often than not to avoid the anxiety. How else do you spend 8 hours cleaning your shower to perfection one day?

In the past I've had bouts of depression, and from those experiences I've found psychiatrists and anti-depressants to be largely ineffective, or even detrimental. So these days, I do a lot of self-evaluating through writing journals, coupled with a lot of reading personal development/spiritual books and watching all sorts of 10 minute-to-multiple hour long seminars and speeches. In the weirdest way, I feel like I have myself figured out, like I've crawled to the deepest depths of my psyche and found the roots of my issues; and yet I still know nothing at all.

------

So at this point it seems like I have two options:
A) I actually DO love art, and it really means a lot to me. This is actually absolutely the path I should be on, and pushing through the anxiety, fear, and doubt will teach me a lot and help me to grow as a person (and of course as an artist too). It's video game logic where "You know you're going the right way when you're running into enemies." Fight on, Debido!! 

B) Art is making me sick, and I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. Somehow I've fooled myself into thinking I want to do this thing, but the truth is if I actually wanted to do it, I would be and it would be fun and easygoing and natural, no matter how my skill matches up to my vision. So despite all the time and effort invested, I should hang it up and figure something else out. I had a (maybe not so) good run.

Or bonus option C) I just think too damn much lol

I'm really at a loss here as you can probably tell lol. Like I said in my first journal on this account, I remember pushing away some very dear friends when all I did was vent, but I think now I've gone waaaaaay too far in the opposite direction and end up bottling things up and pushing people away for months at a time (damn, it's been like half a year since the last chapter of the comic). 

I've gone on for long enough on a journal that I was trying so hard never to have to make, and I also feel bad for neglecting you guys and having nothing to offer. My gut feeling is telling me to go with option A, but again I'm not sure how much of that is me being a fool, you know? I sure don't lol

If you have any thoughts I'd like to read them. I apologize but i had to get this out there somewhere.
If you haven't already heard about it, please support ayanamifan's upcoming Growth Drive! You can find more details about the noble cause here, and the details how how he'll go about it HERE!
Aya is a dear friend of mine, helping him is like helping me! DO IT!!!
  • Listening to: Unison Square Garden
  • Reading: Your every move!
  • Watching: Motivational Videos
  • Playing: Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Water
picarto.tv/Debido

Thanks for dropping by!
  • Listening to: Unison Square Garden
  • Reading: Your every move!
  • Watching: Motivational Videos
  • Playing: Yu-Gi-Oh! Legacy of the Duelist
  • Eating: Spaghetti
  • Drinking: Water
What's up guys! Doing another round of stream commissions! It's a slight increase in price from the other times, but hopefully still within reason!

Here's the deal: $20 for short and sweet inked and flat colored pictures like these:

FreakyJane by Un-DebidoStream Commissions 1: Make Them Panties Drop by Un-DebidoStream Commissions 2: Flexing All Night by Un-Debido





It's first come first serve, and only available while I'm streaming. I'm not sure how many I'll get to, but I'll be at it most of the day, so I'm feeling like 3 is the magic number for today (will I even get that many requests? haha!)

If you're interested, or just want to chill, swing on by! If not these commissions, I'll be working on some other stuff and eventually laying out the next chapter of PxM!
picarto.tv/Debido
I'm really just doing this to spite the tagger, :icondagwam: . Now give me my Daggy Dollars!
I won't be tagging anybody though, Maybe when I've regained my original body I'll command enough respect for that lol

Anywho, onto the show!

1- What's your favorite animated show, if any, western or eastern. or heck, favorite from both if you have em.
Eastern, definitely DEFINITELY Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. That show means so much to me. Western...I don't think it's actually my favorite, but what comes to mind is Batman: The Animated Series. Even if it's not my favorite, it was a damn good show. (I'm hesitant to call it my favorite because I have a feeling I enjoyed some other show far more, but I just can't think of it right now lol)

2- What is your most recent book you read (I suppose graphic novels count in a pinch)?
I've been reading a variety of books lately, but if I look over to this stack of them the one on top is the Tao Te Ching. I very rarely read novels, but I gobble spiritual and self-improvement stuff up! This is a picture of said stack of books, and I wholeheartedly recommend reading all of them if you feel like your mental state isn't where you would like it to be (yes, even the Bible has great advice, whether you're Christian or not)11034198 10152906545816973 7245688417826769913 N by Un-Debido

3- Favorite foreign cuisine?
I'm not sure if this means overarching theme (Japanese, Italian) or a particular dish....Uhhh I just enjoy anything I really couldn't name either lol. For the sake of this though I'll say I like Italian as a whole, but my favorite dish is butadon (pork over rice) with raw egg mixed in.

4- Any certain types of music you listen to when you want to relax or fall asleep? Maybe even provide a link if you can.
I really only listen to music when I'm drawing, otherwise I have a tendency to enjoy complete silence. But I do have a soft spot for jazz/hip-hop fusion when I prefer a more chill drawing mood. Here, one of my favorite albums (RIP Seba Jun, you the truth!):

5- What's the ideal place you'd like to vacation to for sightseeing?
Probably Italy. Italy has an amazing combination of great historical architecture as well as natural beauty.

6- If there was one genre of movie that you would snap your fingers and it no longer exists, what would it be and why?
Horror, just because I don't even watch them. I don't think I would be scared of horror movies if I were to watch them now, but earlier on in my life I avoided them because I never wanted to be scared lol.

7- What types of pets have you owned?
Long ago I've had fish and a rabbit. More recently, I had a Golden Retriever that we got in order to cure my fear of dogs after being attacked by a German Shepherd (RIP Shadow), and currently we have a Pomeranian.

8- Who are your favorite comedian(s)?
I don't watch a lot of comedy, but I could probably still watch Dave Chappelle's "For What It's Worth" and still laugh my ass off.

9- In your opinion, funniest television show or movie? (Or both?)
Hmm...the first time I watched Pineapple Express I thought it was hilarious. Friday After Next is right up there with it though!

10- How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?

Only one. *smooch*

See you, space cowboy! (okay that was sorta gay I'm sorry lol)

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Sup guys! Long time no see it feels like! (Always Debido's fault. ALWAYS!!!)

Some people have been asking me about commissions for a long time now, and I think I'm finally ready to give them a try! The premise is simple: $25 for a a colored sketch, similar to these:

Mature Content

Colored Sketches by Un-Debido

Mature Content

CSC Round 1: Layla and Karen by Un-Debido




I'm experimenting with style and such all the time, so the results may be unpredictable, but I hope you'll be satisfied with them nonetheless! I'll do a sketch first, show it to you for one round of revisions, and then move on to the coloring from there.

First two down, and now a much longer list to go! I'm still going to try to stick to getting about 2 done a week, but might as well drop the whole list here for now, right?

Commissions Done
1:Strangerataru
2:Bioshin26 (more to come!)

To Do:
1::iconps286:
2::iconup2nogd1:
3::iconbuffyyuna:
4: SmartBadBoy (what -is- your name on dA? lol)
5: :iconpumpmonger:
6: :icongijohn20:


Looking forward to doing business with you! Thanks for shopping Debido!
As a Gundam Fan, I've been (somewhat regrettably) watching the newest Gundam Series "Gundam: Reconguista in G". The show itself is so weird, but the latest episode 19 is starting to make up for it.

Enter Chikkara Dual 「チッカラ・デュアル」, Pilot for the G-IT Lab, whatever that is.

ChikkaraDualPump1 by Un-Debido

ChikkaraDualGIT by Un-Debido
Chikkaradual2 by Un-Debido

I think she's pretty awesome! It's not too often that we get a character this buff in an anime, much less so attractive! Unfortunately, she's still a baddie. BUT, G-Reco is so weird and disjointed, who knows, she may be on the good side within two episodes!...Or get blasted away like she never existed in the next 3 lol. As a side note, her name is a not so subtle play on the word Chikara [力」, which means strength, or power.

I edited the gif up there for somewhat better looping, but here's the original version with her true second rep.
Chikkara Dual Long Ver
  • Listening to: Podcasts
  • Reading: Color and Light
  • Watching: Reconguista in G
  • Playing: Persona 4 GOLDEN
  • Eating: Subway
  • Drinking: Water
While talking with a friend about how we got into femuscle, I was reminded of the silly lengths my muscle lust took me to. Roughly ten years ago, in a time when internet was slow as balls and tied up the phone line, in addition to limited access to the computer...A young and horny 13-14 year old Debido began compiling this tome of muscular perversion:

MuscleDiary1 by Un-Debido

It can only go downhill from here lol. Check out the nerding out that is the first page of this thing - a stats breakdown of the roster of Kinsyo's girls at the time I found his site (some girls like Akane and Sanae had not yet been introduced...damn that's a long time ago lol):
MuscleDiary2 by Un-Debido

Inside, there is a page devoted to each girl, with as many pictures of the girl as I could fit on that page. I think I was too young and innocent to even be fapping at this point. I was literally just printing them out and writing this derpy commentary because I found them so captivating!...and because I wanted to look at them before going to sleep when using the computer was too risky:

MuscleDiary3 by Un-Debido

MuscleDiary4 by Un-Debido

Following the single girl pages, there are a few more pages with other pics of the girls, as well as group shots. Eventually though, I started branching out to putting other artists in the book, such as Yukihide Yoshida:
MuscleDiary5 by Un-Debido

These are by an artist that went by Pilaf-kun on dianathevalkyrie. I think I started writing the Neon Muscle Genesis Evangelion series almost specifically to see the full versions of these pictures lmao. Looking back, his stuff is still pretty awesome and unique, I wonder what he's up to now...
MuscleDiary6 by Un-Debido

Here we have some cameo appearances by people still in the femuscle game: MATL and PlasmaBeach
XD can you read all this stupid commentary? Who the hell was I writing all this for???
MuscleDiary7 by Un-Debido

More stupid commentary and more cameo appearances by (I think) Siegfried129
Damn, I wrote a whole editorial for the girl on the right lol
MuscleDiary8 by Un-Debido

Ultimately, I filled almost half of this composition book with these pictures and commentary.
MuscleDiary9 by Un-Debido

By God, if I had known that I could learn how to draw by emulating artwork that I admired enough to print out, cut out, and paste into a book with my thoughts on it, I might be so much further along my artistic journey by now lol. Unfortunately, at the time I was so entrenched in the idea that I would never be able to draw, that learning to draw via copying and emulating never crossed my mind even once. So BAKA!!!!

lol I hope you guys get a good laugh out of this one. Did anyone else do anything this (or more) embarrassing out of love for muscular women? Now's the time to share with the class!
  • Listening to: Desto - 20/20 Hindsight
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Death Parade
  • Playing: Nothing
  • Eating: Chicken Strips
  • Drinking: Red Bull
-_______- somebody cast Haste on me next time, damn...

Come kick it with me!
www.picarto.tv/live/channel.ph…
(I just keep this here so that the journal is easy to edit lol)
  • Listening to: Fusion Jazz
  • Reading: Nothing
  • Watching: Blood Blockade Battlefront
  • Playing: Batman: Arkham Knight
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Water
Hi guys...*cough* where do I begin?

I guess first, I need to explain that ominous journal I posted before I deactivated my account. If you remember, it was the scene of Kittan's death from Gurren Lagann ([link]. I think some people surmised that I may have committed suicide because of that. Whoever thought that obviously doesn't know what comes next! The most epic part of the series in my opinion.


I guess if I'm gonna be honest here, I had to leave because I was a very salty person at the time lol. Seeing other people producing better and better artwork while mine improved and yet didn't at the same time (which is completely my fault) made me seethe with anger. I would sit there and stare at new works for a few minutes, on one hand admiring the great work and studying it to see what it had that I could learn from and adapt into my own art. On the other hand, I would uhh...hiss? and clench my heart in agony (Imagine Naruto when Kyuubi would come out. Yes, I have severe chuunibyou lol).

But I knew this was wrong in every possible way. That's no way to A) motivate yourself to improve or B) enjoy other people's artwork. So on that day, in sort of a snap decision, I decided to deactivate my account until I had cooled down and stopped being such a Debemo.

Now, almost a year and an undisclosed amount of weed later (lol) I decided to start anew. I don't have much else to say on this topic except that I'm looking forward to actually enjoying everyone's artwork again, and I hope you'll forgive me for the sudden departure.

XD now that that's out of the way, let's party!!!
  • Listening to: MACROSS 82-99 - Remember Summer Days
  • Reading: Sukedachi Nine
  • Watching: Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso
  • Playing: Elphelt's Titti- I mean Guilty Gear Xrd
  • Eating: Chicken Noodle Soup
  • Drinking: Water